Friday, April 6, 2012

Coffee Talk: Guilty

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If we were to sit and chat over coffee today, I would start by telling you how excited we are for this weekend. Easter is such a fun time for us. I'd probably  invite you to join in on the fun at our church. If you have kids, I'd make sure you knew how much I'd love for them to come to our Easter Egg hunt.
Last years hunt
After we chatted about our Easter plans, I would tell you about the classes and training we have had for foster care so far. I might tell you about some of the sad stats and laws we have learned of. We would both be in tears.

If I was to be really honest and real with with you, I would tell you how the more prepared we are and the closer we get, the more guilt I have about my relationship changing with my own kids. How scared I am for how much their world is about to change.


I would tell you how the age difference between Talon and the new baby will be about the same but how the amount of attention a foster baby will require is going to be so much different. So much greater.

This is where I would need your shoulder to cry on. This is where I would likely fall apart. I would tell you how I know this is Gods plan and I know He will work it out but that my heart is still aching for my babies. How all I can think about is the idea of my comforting and loving on a new baby and my poor children wanting their mommy back.

I would probably finish the talk on the topic by laughing at myself and the idea that I think I know what's going to happen when clearly God has this all worked out. How I know He wouldn't have called me to it of He didn't know my kids and I could do it.

Then, I would sit and listen to what's going on with you. So tell me, what's happening on your end?

7 comments:

  1. If we sat down to coffee and you shared that, I would tell you that you have an amazing heart, that Christ shines through you and your kids are wonderful. I would be a shoulder to cry on, and would most DEFIANTLY shed tears with you. I would tell you that this experience is going to be hard on you, will be hard on your kids, but through it they are going to learn so much, much more than most kids, that are gonna learn compassion, to love the broken, to open their hearts for the hurt. Not that your kids arent any of those things now, but I think those wonderful qualities about them will strengthen. Your heart is gonna grow, as will your childrens. Im so excited for you my dear precious friend! and know I AM here for you! I will cry with you I will do a jig with you! I love ya friend, and as hard as this is gonna be the outcome surpasses it by FAR! If we sat down for coffee..... maybe I should do a post responding to this, telling you whats going on over here!

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    1. Yes, you should sit down and right a post. Or we should just go to coffee in real life and chat. I can cry for hours with you right now haha. So emotional lately.
      I am excited to see my kids grow through this whole thing. I know it will be so good for all of. I know that God is going to do such a huge work in us all. Ahhh! Crazy fun exciting things are coming.

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    2. The reply thing is cool, but I never say this! Love ya friend! Lets do coffee oh so soon!! or a coffee at Disney us night out!

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  2. oh man praying for you! I couldn't imagine what emotions you are feeling right now. Love your heart. Keep God your focus, because the enemy will tear you apart and feed you lies of how you are giving your kids the shaft but you aren't. They will see God's love through this new venture and see God's grace. You will be giving your babes a great gift of showing them God's love through this journey not taking anything away. love you friend

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for your encouragement. The enemy has definitely been trying to tear us down. It is so obvious is so many ways. We are trying to continue to keep our eyes on the bigger picture. The fears are starting to subside and excitement is in full effect :)

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  3. My heart is so heavy after reading your post. I am both excited and nervous for you. What an incredible journey God has you 4 on. If we sat down for coffee, I would tell you that it will all be worth it, that God is going to do amazing things through you, that He is going to bless you immensely for your servants heart, and you are going to bless so many others just by your willingness to love those who need it most.

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    1. I seriously cannot wait to see what God is going to do. Looking back at this post and comparing how I feel now and then, things are similar but so different. I am so much more excited and less nervous than I was even just a month ago. God is building me up. Slowly but surely I have got here. But I think it is safe to say that I am ready.

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