I thought maybe just maybe, I was hearing wrong. Okay, maybe I knew in my heart all along that this was God and just chose to pretend I was not sure. We all do that sometimes right? Right? I am not the only one am I?
So after a year of playing the good ol' game of denial, I heard God loud and clear. In an audible voice. PS I am not crazy. Before I was saved, before I experienced a real life relationship with God, I thought people were crazy when they said they heard God. Not true. God actually speaks to us, if we are willing to listen.
Okay. I promise. That is my last tangent. Where was I even going with this?
Oh, yes, my conversation with God. I am calling it a conversation because I am a little embarrassed to call it what it was an argument. The "conversation" went something like this.
Major tug on heart once again. Stronger than ever. Telling ME that it is time to do foster/adopt.
Me: "God, I can't. I think this is what you are telling me to do but I can't. I am too scared. I am not strong enough to lose a baby I love"
God: "You don't have to be. I AM. I am big enough and strong enough to get you through this. Remember your miscarriages? Remember how broken you were? Did I not pick you up and pull you out of that?"
Me: "That was different. When I lost my babies I knew they were going to you. They were safe in YOUR arms. I was okay with that"
God: "So will these babies. I will be with them. Whether they are with you or with their birth moms or another foster home. I will be with them"
Me: "I'm just not ready. Not yet. I will be. I trust you. I'm just not ready yet."
God: "You trust me? Then what are you waiting for? Drop your net and follow me."
Me: "My net?" ::Remembering the story of Simon (Peter) and Andrew:::
Looks like we will be doing Foster to Adopt.
At the beginning of the year we will start the process. We will be filing out paper work. We will be preparing our home. We will be getting ready to welcome hurting babies into our home.
We would love it if you would pray for us.
Pray for our hearts. That the fear of losing our babes will be minimal. Pray that every child we come in contact with would feel our love for them. That each one would be rescued from their pain. Pray for guidance. That we would know exactly where to go and what to do. Just pray.
I am getting excited about this journey. I am still scared. I want to rescue all of the motherless/abused/neglected/hurting babies. I want to sweep them up from the system and give them a forever home. I know that God is going to use us. Whether the first baby in our home stays forever or we take in 25 and they all must leave, I know He has a plan. I am scared but I am done letting that fear control me. I will follow God. I will have a new baby soon. I can't wait to meet them. Eeeek!
Keep praying. Come along on our journey with us and help us to pray and love on any and all of the children that come in our home.